Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

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I have a reading level above third grade

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

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I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

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Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

Do you share your food easily? With whom, and why?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t buy bullshit

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

Why does my iPhone keep on saying I can’t upload photos to iCloud and say it doesn't have enough iCloud storage when it still has space?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

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I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I have complete contempt for fakery

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I see through liars

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

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authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

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I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

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I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

What would this world be like if all men and women were legally allowed to have multiple husbands and wives at the same time?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I can read

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I can count

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I actually pay taxes

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t cotton to rapists